I Took A Detox From My Fake “Friends”

By Kate Bucaro Free To Be Talks Facilitator and U.S. Program Liaison, Mental Health Advocate and Eating Disorder Recovery Speaker

When I decided to unfollow all influencers, I had no idea how many were actually showing up in my regular feed. Scrolling through perfectly curated images of women styled head to toe with designer brands had become completely normal to me. I was mesmerized by the way each influencer showcased their highly desirable lifestyle while promoting all kinds of products and quietly receiving commission for every purchase I made.  I was naïve to believe that each of these influencers “only shared products they genuinely loved”, and I found myself dissatisfied as I compared my ordinary life with the filtered grid of images that portrayed theirs. 

While Instagram started as a fun photo-sharing platform that allowed users to express themselves and create an online community, overtime it has spiraled into an addictive social media app that leaves users with harmful effects including thoughts of inadequacy, a fear of missing out, a disconnection from real life relationships and so much more. 

In the same sense, influencer marketing started as one of the most powerful marketing initiatives to reach target consumers across industries, and now it only adds to the long list of detriments on mental health. 

Now to be fair, it’s important for me to disclose that I am well-seasoned in the world of influencer marketing. I started my career working for a small integrated marketing agency and one of my primary tasks was to research, vet and pitch my client’s product to influencers that had significant clout with our client’s target consumers. I know the benefits of influencer partnerships for brands because I used to push those benefits on almost all of my consumer-focused clients. The process became second nature to me; pitch the influencer, negotiate payment and promote the influencer’s “honest” opinion about our client on their blog and Instagram… 

Read the full story on Thrive Global

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Why You Should Aim For More Than Being Happy With Your Body

As a society we have come to recognize that for far too long women have been dissatisfied with their bodies. We have grown tired of the restrictive diet of Photoshopped, ethnically homogenous, young women in our mainstream media. And for the last five years, largely thanks to grassroots movements on social media, we have finally seen people of all shapes, sizes, ethnicities, and ages fill our feeds, and more recently, our mainstream media. Women (primarily) are breaking free from corseted beauty ideals, being released from shame filled narratives, and becoming confident in their bodies. Yet something seems to be missing. 

Campaigns like How We Do Denim, from Fashion to Figure are helping to create acceptance around diverse body types.

In the last number of years, one of the popular methods to ameliorate body dissatisfaction has been to create acceptance around all forms of bodies. Yet, body dissatisfaction continues to exist. Why is this? I believe it is because we continue to have a singular focus on the physical body to the exclusion of our larger selves. The conversation often seems to stop prematurely; being comfortable in our bodies is good, being released from shame is good, but is there something more we could be aiming for?

When I scroll social media, peruse magazines, or read popular articles on various news outlets there has been a proliferation of #bodypositive content. People understandably want to feel comfortable with themselves and happy with their appearance. Yet, news stories continue to abound indicating people, primarily women, are still not happy with their bodies. Global News found 1 in 5 Canadian women did not like their bodies. Meanwhile, the Dove Global Beauty and Confidence surveyed over 10 000 females across 13 countries and found body dissatisfaction on a steady incline, and every year The American Society of Plastic Surgeons reveals that plastic surgery rates continue to rise from the previous year (from 2017 to 2018 overall rates were up 2%). 

What is going on here? I worry that a collective idea has emerged that developing a positive body image can be simplified or reduced to superficial memes about feeling confident, or posting selfies of our cellulite, wrinkles or fat.

If I think of my body as a vessel through which I experience life, is the highest goal to be comfortable, confident or happy with the appearance of my vessel? Taken one step further, if a voyager was to spend copious amounts of time posting photos of their vessel and stating how much they loved all the angles, you’d likely wonder, “Why aren’t you adventuring anywhere? Or, why aren’t you doing something more with your vessel?” 

Of course, we want to invest in the vessel because a vessel that is taken care of and well maintained is paramount for a successful journey. But it seems, that our collective societal focus on being happy or confident in a wide range of possible vessels (or bodies) continues to short change us because we are still focused on our vessels instead of preparing ourselves for the incredible adventures we could go on.

The research is quite clear for people who have a positive body image - they value and appreciate their bodies, and they spend time and energy cultivating the entirety of who they are. Developing a positive body image in the beginning can unfortunately feel like work. It may be difficult because we need to uncover the deeper issues that are creating discomfort and dislike in ourselves in the first place. Taking an honest look at our beliefs and habits and examining the impact they are having on our life is not easy or fun. But this process is incredibly worthwhile as we free ourselves from unrealistic expectations and stop falling prey to unhelpful thinking traps and unhelpful behaviours. 

Developing a truly positive body image becomes a lifestyle. It means protectively filtering the information that you view (e.g. if you feel like garbage after viewing a certain social media, it means you unfollow that one and any other similar account); it means recognizing that you have untapped potential and you need to cultivate the different qualities of who you are by investing in them (e.g. it means going off line and finding a hobby or learning a new skill); it means finding people that value you, not for your body or appearance, but for who you are as a person and providing the same environment where others can feel like themselves; it means shifting your internal voice to noticing and appreciating how your body moves and carries you throughout the day. 4,5

These things take time and aren’t captured in a #bodypositive selfie. We can continue to embrace every body type as good, but we need to individually and collectively shift our focus to something deeper than just our bodies. 

Our bodies are good and important, and if we truly want people to become more confident and happy in their bodies, we need to pursue body positivity as the hard inner work that it is. Rates of body dissatisfaction will shift substantially once we start to spend more time, energy and resources doing things not so hyper-focused on our bodies. We would become a more resilient, embodied, holistic people and the surprising by-product we would laugh about is that we finally learned to be comfortable and appreciate our body.

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References:

1 Global News (2015). 1 in 5 Canadian women not satisfied with their appearance survey. Retrieved here: https://globalnews.ca/news/2025789/1-in-5-canadian-women-not-satisfied-with-their-appearance-survey/

2 PR Newswire (2016). New Dove Research Finds Beauty Pressures Up, and Women and Girls Calling for Change. Retrieved here: https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/new-dove-research-finds-beauty-pressures-up-and-women-and-girls-calling-for-change-583743391.html

3 American Society for Plastic Surgeons (2018). 2018 National Plastic Surgery Rates. Retrieved here: https://www.plasticsurgery.org/documents/News/Statistics/2018/plastic-surgery-statistics-report-2018.pdf

4. Tylka, T. L. (2011). Positive psychology perspectives on body image. In T. F. Cash & L. Smolak            (Eds.), Body Image:A handbook of science, practice, and prevention (2nd ed., pp. 56–65).   New York, NY, USA: Guilford Press.

5Holmqvist, K., & Frisén, A. (2012). “I bet they aren’t that perfect in reality:” Appearance ideals viewed from the perspective of adolescents with a positive body image. Body Image, 9(3), 388–395. doi:10.1016/j.bodyim.2012.03.007

I need that necklace! How advertisers make me feel lonely…

“Save Money. Live Better” (Walmart) “Open Happiness” (Coca Cola) “The Happiest Place on Earth” (DisneyLand)

         As a fish swims in water, we in the western cultures of the United States and Canada swim in water made up of advertising.

         In light of Black Friday recently passing and the Christmas countdown on full swing, buying gifts for friends and loved ones is at the forefront of our minds.

         Sut Jhally, founder and Executive Director of the Media Education Foundation once said, “To not be influenced by advertising would be to live outside of culture. No human being lives outside of culture.[1]”

         Now, advertising in and of itself is not bad. For example, advertising is an important way to disseminate information. However, one problems lies with the fact that the cultural advertising climate that we live in has been deduced to a scientific art in order to make us feel lonely and empty. In the 1962 Time article about David Ogivly, “the most sought after wizard into today’s advertising industry,” stated,

“Advertising people who ignore research are as dangerous as generals who ignore decodes of enemy signals.” [2]

         Keeping in mind that Christmas is coming I thought discussing this topic may resonate not only with myself but hopefully others as well. After reflecting on the Ogivly quote, you may feel content that advertisers are working hard to determine exactly what you want. As for me, I feel unsettled. After doing more reading, I realized there was a deeper issue and it struck a chord with me.

         The western culture that I and hundreds of millions live in, is a culture that values consumerism and individualism. Why is valuing consumerism and individualism a problem, one may ask?

         The answer lies in the fact that people need meaningful social interactions with other people; this fact is greatly supported by anthropologists, sociologists and psychologists.

         As social media expert Jean Kilbourne points out, a consumerist culture becomes problematic because we can create relationships with products or activities. First, relationships with products or activities are not fulfilling in the same way as having an engaging friend whom you can confide in. Kilbourne continues by saying that feeling loyal to or passionate about a product is dangerous when the product is potentially addictive, because an addict does feel as though they have a relationship with their product. An individualistic culture can be problematic because autonomy and whatever a person wants to do (recall the popular expressions “to each person their own” or “what I do is my business”) is often valued over social responsibility to each other.

         What can occur, and is occurring in our culture, is a feeling of emptiness when consumerism and individualism are regarded as highly prized values.[3] For the consumer to feel empty is the best scenario for the advertiser. The emptier or more incomplete I feel, the quicker I am to search for something to fill my void - whether that is food when I’m hungry, cute work-out gear when I want to look sexy and athletic, a glass of wine when I need to de-stress etc. Buying the latest product or consuming more should fill the void of whatever I am feeling, and living in an individualistic culture encourages me to “do what I need to do” to feel better.

         Furthermore as Kilbourne states,

“Advertising creates longings for products, and exploits real human desires”[4]

         All people are hard-wired to yearn for intimate relationships (romantic or platonic) that will last. What advertising does is create a climate in which we are promised lasting relationships with products; when a friend fails, product x will be around to never disappoint. It is important to note that what is being played on is our deep emotions. Do you feel sadness, disappointment, anger, frustration, hurt or jealousy? Don’t worry this shampoo will last forever and never leave you feeling let down again. Do you feel happy, joyful or revitalized? By purchasing this diamond necklace you can feel it intimately close to your skin and therefore happy forever; diamonds last forever right? Each emotion portrayed in an ad, explicit or implicit, is used for selling purposes.

         As the advertising guru, Ogivly states,

“There isn’t any significant difference between the various brands of whiskey, or cigarettes or beer. They are all about the same. And so are the cake mixes and the detergents, and the margarines… The manufacturer who dedicates his advertising to building the most sharply defined personality for his brand will get the largest share of the market at the highest profit.”[5] 

 So where does that leave us? As I stated at the beginning of the article, Black Friday has recently passed and Christmas is on the horizon; buying gifts for loved ones is inevitably on our minds. However, some are going into this Christmas season with heartaches, hurting or loss. Whether we end up purchasing the beautiful diamond necklace or amazing pair of booties, we need to remember it is our friends and families who are going to fulfill our desire to be in relationship with others. No matter what the advertisers try to make me believe, I know what will truly make me feel satisfied and content.

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[1] Jhally, S. (1998). Advertising and the end of the world (a video). Northamptom, MA: Media Education Foundation

[2] Time Magazine (October 12, 1962) US Business: The Men on the Cover: Advertising

[3] Kilbourne, J. (1999). Can’t buy my love: How advertising changes the way we think and feel. New York, NY: First Touchstone Edition 2000

[4] Kilbourne, J. (1999). Can’t buy my love: How advertising changes the way we think and feel. New York, NY: First Touchstone Edition 2000. Quote, page 77

[5] Time Magazine (October 12, 1962) US Business: The Men on the Cover: Advertising